Friday, March 18, 2005
When I first started this journey of sobriety and being clean of drugs I was faced with making many decisions. Decisions that I did not know how to make properly. I had always re-acted to situations and then only as they came up. I had no plans for my life nor did I know how to get to where-ever it was that I was going. I had no direction. All I knew at the time was that I had to stay sober if I was going to make some sort of life with whatever time I had left on this earth.
Some of the old timers gave me some advice that I still adhere to today. I subject all my decisions to a certain criteria. First, just how important is it? I ask myself that question every time I embark on decision making. If it is important to me then I have to take my time and take a very close look at it. I have to ask myself, does it affect my finances, my personal life, or my relationships? If it affects me in some big way then I have to take an even closer look. All my decisions have to be based on doing the next right thing or doing the best thing. That doesn't always mean that I like having to make the decisions that are the best or the next right thing, but they are the ones that will keep me sane in the end.
Sometimes, when I think something is important, it is only important to me and not to those around me. That usually happens when it is something that is only close to my own heart. Sometimes I write these things down so that I can see my thinking process in making the decisions that I come to, but even then I don't act on them for a few days. Once written down, I quite often put the paper aside for a few days then revisit it later after I have had time to get away from it and take a second look to see if my thinking was flawed. If it was, then I go back through it. If it wasn't, then I take action and carry out that decision. Afterwards I can destroy the paper if I so choose.
Staying sober is a plan of ACTION not re-action. I have to act because if I don't then I am acting exactly the same way as if I was still using drugs or alcohol. Action sometimes takes thinking things out and re-action takes no thought whatsoever. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to start thinking and acting instead of just re-acting to those things around me. Once I started to do that then my perspective on life became clearer and I started making better decisions. It all took time and in the beginning a lot of hard work. I didn't know how to do many things that normal people do every day. I had to learn and, thankfully, there were people there to help me. I could never have done these things entirely on my own. I had to be taught. Keeping things inside and trying to make decisions on my own would have only mucked things up for me. Luckily I still have people around me to help with the really big decisions and they only help to guide my thinking process and don't tell me what I have to do or only give me their opinion, but instead ask the questions that I have forgotten to ask myself. In this way I learn and come to my own conclusions based on my own life and not theirs.
I hope I have helped someone with this because I have been hearing a lot about this subject from many people lately.
Some of the old timers gave me some advice that I still adhere to today. I subject all my decisions to a certain criteria. First, just how important is it? I ask myself that question every time I embark on decision making. If it is important to me then I have to take my time and take a very close look at it. I have to ask myself, does it affect my finances, my personal life, or my relationships? If it affects me in some big way then I have to take an even closer look. All my decisions have to be based on doing the next right thing or doing the best thing. That doesn't always mean that I like having to make the decisions that are the best or the next right thing, but they are the ones that will keep me sane in the end.
Sometimes, when I think something is important, it is only important to me and not to those around me. That usually happens when it is something that is only close to my own heart. Sometimes I write these things down so that I can see my thinking process in making the decisions that I come to, but even then I don't act on them for a few days. Once written down, I quite often put the paper aside for a few days then revisit it later after I have had time to get away from it and take a second look to see if my thinking was flawed. If it was, then I go back through it. If it wasn't, then I take action and carry out that decision. Afterwards I can destroy the paper if I so choose.
Staying sober is a plan of ACTION not re-action. I have to act because if I don't then I am acting exactly the same way as if I was still using drugs or alcohol. Action sometimes takes thinking things out and re-action takes no thought whatsoever. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to start thinking and acting instead of just re-acting to those things around me. Once I started to do that then my perspective on life became clearer and I started making better decisions. It all took time and in the beginning a lot of hard work. I didn't know how to do many things that normal people do every day. I had to learn and, thankfully, there were people there to help me. I could never have done these things entirely on my own. I had to be taught. Keeping things inside and trying to make decisions on my own would have only mucked things up for me. Luckily I still have people around me to help with the really big decisions and they only help to guide my thinking process and don't tell me what I have to do or only give me their opinion, but instead ask the questions that I have forgotten to ask myself. In this way I learn and come to my own conclusions based on my own life and not theirs.
I hope I have helped someone with this because I have been hearing a lot about this subject from many people lately.
Monday, March 07, 2005
I was talking with a friend of mine last night and we were discussing how we alcoholics and drug addicts wear our emotions right out where others can hurt us all the time when we are first sober. I bet it took me 5 years to finally get that under control. I remember some old timer telling me I had to grow a skin. I thought he was nuts, but thats exactly what it took.
To get that skin to grow, I first had to get rid of all those things that had been bothering me. That's also known as a fourth and fifth step. I had to find out the root causes of all my pain if I were to deal with them. Once I had the root causes established I could then work on improving my life and with that came the growing of that skin.
They also told me that I could not "think my way into a better way of living, I had to live my way into a better way of thinking." They also told me if I didn't know what that was, I should just ask someone that was living the way that I wanted to live. They also told me that no matter what, I should just keep doing the next right thing and that if I didn't know what that was that, again, I should just ask someone and they would help me to work that out too.
Although I can still be hurt, I don't get hurt at the least little thing anymore. My hurts are mostly legitimate now and not just perceived. My hurts don't last nearly as long now because I actually work on releasing that hurt and pain. I don't ever want to go back to where I was and that means always working on those pains and hurts so that I don't build up any more resentments. They say that resentments are the number one killer of us alcoholics and drug addicts and I have no want to commit suicide. That's exactly what it would be too, if I let those things run my life.
To get that skin to grow, I first had to get rid of all those things that had been bothering me. That's also known as a fourth and fifth step. I had to find out the root causes of all my pain if I were to deal with them. Once I had the root causes established I could then work on improving my life and with that came the growing of that skin.
They also told me that I could not "think my way into a better way of living, I had to live my way into a better way of thinking." They also told me if I didn't know what that was, I should just ask someone that was living the way that I wanted to live. They also told me that no matter what, I should just keep doing the next right thing and that if I didn't know what that was that, again, I should just ask someone and they would help me to work that out too.
Although I can still be hurt, I don't get hurt at the least little thing anymore. My hurts are mostly legitimate now and not just perceived. My hurts don't last nearly as long now because I actually work on releasing that hurt and pain. I don't ever want to go back to where I was and that means always working on those pains and hurts so that I don't build up any more resentments. They say that resentments are the number one killer of us alcoholics and drug addicts and I have no want to commit suicide. That's exactly what it would be too, if I let those things run my life.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
This has been one of the longest weeks of my life, I think. If something couldgo wrong it did. And all the days were long.
I haven't been getting enough sleep. Most days I've been up before 5 A.M. and this morning it was 3.
I think it's the winter that is really starting to get to me. I've been cooped up in the house most of the time, except when I have to drive somewhere in the snow and ice.
Today is rather pretty outside so I think my dog and I will go for a walk.
I don't know if it's the weather or me just changing, but I think I'm going to get out of the computer business. While I love working on them and playing with them it's just not much fun anymore. I spend 10 to 12 hours a day working on other peoples pc's.
The things that I really like to do like writing and website design have taken a backseat lately.
I think that I'm going to start writing down some of my thoughts and experiences in this blogspace as time goes by. There are a few things that I think I should pass on to others. They were given to me freely by the ones who came before me and I have found them to be quite usefull in my daily life. They help to keep me sane. So starting tomorrow i think that is what I'll do.
I haven't been getting enough sleep. Most days I've been up before 5 A.M. and this morning it was 3.
I think it's the winter that is really starting to get to me. I've been cooped up in the house most of the time, except when I have to drive somewhere in the snow and ice.
Today is rather pretty outside so I think my dog and I will go for a walk.
I don't know if it's the weather or me just changing, but I think I'm going to get out of the computer business. While I love working on them and playing with them it's just not much fun anymore. I spend 10 to 12 hours a day working on other peoples pc's.
The things that I really like to do like writing and website design have taken a backseat lately.
I think that I'm going to start writing down some of my thoughts and experiences in this blogspace as time goes by. There are a few things that I think I should pass on to others. They were given to me freely by the ones who came before me and I have found them to be quite usefull in my daily life. They help to keep me sane. So starting tomorrow i think that is what I'll do.
